Dollar Store Bargains

I'm putting optional closed eyelids on her face. It will help give me more privacy when I need it.
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© 2010. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Title

You know what I hate about writing? Not enough people know how to read. If there's the tiniest inaccuracy, which is likely for the translation of thoughts into words, these people who can't fill in the blanks (probably suck at crosswords, too) will get it wrong; get it completely fucking wrong. It makes you not even want to open your mouth in front of them, even to wish them Good Morning.
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Be Cool

It's a holiday today: BC Day: A day that means something different to each individual British Columbian. Some of us celebrate our escaping our provinces of origin on this day - possibly more than half of us. Some of us reflect on proud moments in BC history, like the invention of street signs to warn of bear crossings, or like when Relic ran out of gas for his outboard motor on The Beachcombers. And yet, still, others might contemplate the first four letters of the alphabet in strange new patriotic ways. Ironically enough, they may wish to listen to the foreign pop group, ABBA. It depends on who you are and what you call this land. If you call it BC, this holiday has a lot more meaning for you. I call this place DS. I have to wait until DS Day before I can fully enjoy my celebrations. But this one's still not bad.
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© 2010. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Hard Currency

I used to work as a cashier, and I didn't give a shit how people paid me. I figured I wasn't there to pass judgement on the customers, but that I was there to actually serve them. Pennies are a pain, but I have too much sympathy for others to rub their noses in their poverty when they are just trying to buy something to pay my wages. Another thing about pennies is they are hard currency - not like when you use a credit card to buy a can of pop. But I guess I'm a weirdo for taking this position.
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A Capitalist Offence

You Canadian workers are something else. How am I supposed to get rich in your country if I abide by your ridiculously high work standards? Now I know I said I would pay you ten dollars an hour, but that was before you finished the job for me. So take this twenty dollar bill from my bursting wallet - with no room for pennies in the change purse - and get out of my sight! I didn't even make you do the begging gesture before I handed it to you.
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© 2010. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Fairy Enough

BOSS: You, sir, have a bad attitude. You need money. You are not in a position to refuse demands from your prospective employers. The Pixy costume goes with the job here. OTHER WORKERS: Yeah, asshole! The Pixy costume goes with the job! BOSS: What's the matter? You ain't man enough to put on a Pixy costume like all of us? WHAT'S SO FUCKING FUNNY?
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© 2010. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Participaction

Well, son, I think you're old enough to start helping your old man with his building renovations. Here, see this nail? Just keep your fingers under its head and hold it right there... THUMP! Oops! Missed! Let's try that again.
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© 2010. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Above and Beyond

Now: I need you to go climb up those two hundred feet to that shaky precipice and put some WD-40 on the gears up there. Hey! Stop that! What are you trying to do? Kill yourself?
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© 2010. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Skipping the Normalities

There I was in my room alone. She was gone. Still gone after more than a week. I could hear her talking and laughing with her other boyfriends as she passed by my door. I was lying on my back and looking up at the pipes that ran across my ceiling. They looked solid enough to hold my weight. She knew I was in there by myself. She knew I was sad because she wouldn't come by and visit me again. What more proof did she need? Maybe I wasn't crying loudly enough. Try boosting the volume on that first... Nothing. Oh well. Can't go on like this. Just need something to tie around my neck. What's this? A skipping rope? Well, at least it ties into a knot. Okay. Here we go. This ought to teach her! 1...2...3! What the fuck? I didn't know these things were so stretchy! Maybe they design them that way to prevent little girls from hanging themselves. What should I do now? After all that fuss I made, I feel like I shouldn't make a sound now. I want the folks listening in the hall to think I went through with it. I'm hungry. How long do I have to stay like this?
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© 2010. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Break an Egg

I'm sure that egg painting was invented by a woman. It might have been an attempt to protect an unborn chick. I don't protect eggs. I eat them. I eat them and eat them. Bird babies taste good and make me strong.
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Biblical Face Offs #2: Goliath versus Samson

David probably profited by watching the Samson - Goliath fight beforehand. Goliath was much taller, but Samson's afro made him look almost the same height. And when Goliath leaned forward to scare Samson with a growl, Samson lunged out and head-butted Goliath right in the brow. And Goliath went reeling back, howling in pain. Samson, faster and more agile, sped behind the giant and flung himself flat. The giant tripped and fell onto his back. The oldest trick in the book.
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Biblical Face-Offs: Solomon Versus Eve

The Pentateuch consists of the five first chapters of The Bible. They contain a lot of the laws which were later used to structure society. I don't have my Catholic Bible with me because I loaned it to a friend, so I can't remember all the names of the chapters. But I guess any structure is better than chaos. A lot of people may not be aware of the kinds of laws and punishments outlined in this portion of The Bible. It's pretty dry stuff. I prefer the stories more, myself. I just stumbled on an irony with respect to wisdom and how it has been handled by some Bible pushers. Maybe they're the old fashioned kind. King Solomon was offered anything he wanted in one wish. He wished for wisdom. But, you see, he asked for it first. He didn't just go grabbing for it from the Tree of Knowledge like that woman! Thanks to her, it was a sin to have knowledge for a long time. And males had to shed the mark of even greater knowledge from their foreskins. Perhaps I'm discussing more of a contradiction than an irony. It does seem out of place to have Solomon in the same book as Eve.
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Killer Ending

Don't you love that last scene in Clint Eastwood's Unforgiven? - That's right. I reckon I killed most everything that crawls or walks or swims at one time or another. Birds. Frogs. Chipmunks. - Squirrels. - That's right. Squirrels. Rabbits. Even hamsters. I'll kill a hamster if he looks at me wrong. - Pigeons. - Pigeons, too! Hell, it's easier than trying to spell their name. And little ornery dogs. You know, the ones that keep trying to get out of their leash. And owls. Only way I can get to sleep sometimes. And now I'm here to kill you, Little Bill. - But what about that plastic canary over there on the night stand? - BLAM! - And what about that fly? - tick! - MISFIRE! GET HIM! - BLAM! BLAM! BLAM-BLAM! B-B-BLAM! BLAM! (Pivot) BLAM! BLAM! In all seriousness, it's a great movie. And it teaches you what happens if you go cutting up whores. That's not very nice.
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© 2007, 2010. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Julio Caesar

The month of August is named after Augustus Caesar. He was found as an infant by a Roman vessel that had strayed all the way to Puerto Rico, and brought up in the home of Julius Caesar, for whom the month of July is named. He wasn't as acquisitive as his foster dad, but he had a stronger community spirit. The Roman carvers did his mustache hairs too finely to survive antiquity, but if you look closely at his bust, you'll see traces of stubble under his nose. The week days all have gods in them. Monday is for the Moon, I think. Tuesday is devoted to Gemini. Wednesday is for the god of welfare and square hamburgers. Thursday is named after the god of refreshments. And so forth.
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The Dirty Movie

A couple ideas occurred to me while watching The Dirty Dozen tonight. It's a thought provoking film. Firstly, I agree with whomever posted it that it's an educational flick. If you ever need to know how to do away with a whole bunch of high ranking Nazi officers in a villa at night, with twelve or so guys, this will teach you. Hint: You have to trap them all in the basement and have lots of gasoline and grenades with you. As I was watching the black guy sneaking down the corridor, I thought they should have dressed him in an SS uniform to disguise him better. Maybe they didn't have enough to go around. When the guitar player was singing that Hawaiian song, I wasn't sure it was really a 1940's song. Here's a serious thought. When Lord Ha Ha, the infamous Nazi propagandist who broadcast in English to the allied troops, was overheard in one scene, I realized that often people are more attracted to adversarial opinions. Maybe they're more interesting. (And it explains why Pappy Boyington listened to Tokyo Rose all the time.)
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